How u livin cuz, whycome, and whereu@

I’m all about finding a common ground in communication. Non-native speakers, for example, trying to write English are noble people. I don’t judge; I try to write in French, and I’m certain I’m just wrong. But I’m forgiven and I learn.

What I don’t get, though, is utter disregard for English by native speakers of the language. And I don’t mean messing up pronouns — I mean inventing a new language within English itself. Except this new language hurts me.

Maybe I’m not cool enough to be able to read, “How u livin cuz” via text message without wanting to jump into the other extreme and respond, “Well, my kind sir, I am living quite well. And you, pray tell? How is it that you are living?” I mean, first of all, why drop the “are?” It’s three letters! I’d even accept “r” because I am trying to be understanding of how the web and SMS and twitter are constraining our writing. But “cuz?” I mean, c’mon. It’s not even “cous” as in “cousin,” which is how the word is actually meant. I just can’t stand for that.

Instead of “how come?” the other day, or even “why is that?,” I was asked “whycome?” One word. I was astounded. Again, I immediately think, “Am I lame? Is this the way I should be communicating with me peers?” Maybe this person is asking me, “why do you come to such conclusions?” But in the end, I just can’t assume any responsibility here. Whycome makes no sense. It’s just ridiculous. And, frankly, it takes just as long to type as “howcome,” which without the space is still at least not moronic entirely.

Whereu@ is another great example of a new word-phrase evolution. Whereru would be quicker, and actually be grammatically correct albeit annoying thanks to its jammed togetherness. Am I too elitist because i think that Whereu@ is unacceptable? That the person writing such a mess isn’t capable of adult conversation? Probably.

I guess im ok w/dat.